Checks and Balances

As we endure yet another standoff in Washington, I'm happy to report that the checks and balances system is alive and well here at EPQD Scheduling Headquarters, ie my brain. Which should scare us all, as I found out yesterday.

First Disclaimer: I am sharing the following not so that you can all forever assume I am a complete disaster of disorganization (however please don't arrive unannounced for a quilting studio tour), but I share because as a paragon of all things Perfection is Overrated (maybe not really, but I just like the word "paragon"), I find it important to now and again prove to you all my humanity and humility, this time in the form of an Epic Calendar Fail.

Several months ago, Linda Warren, a lovely and talented designer I met when her booth was next to NEQDC's at a show, called to ask if I would like to give a lecture and workshop to her guild, Hands Across the Valley, as she was quite taken by my awesomeness. (I assume, anyway. It's always possible they were just desperate.) She gave me a choice between the first weekend of November or the first weekend of October, and as I had just booked something for October, I decided to share the love with November and chose that month.

Flash forward to the next afternoon, when I was filling in the blanks of the contract I was sending her and to my horror realized the first weekend of November was already reserved for NEQDC to vend at A Quilter's Gathering. For the love. I am an idiot. Strike one for Beth

So I shamefully called Linda back and explained my stupidity, and she graciously allowed me to snag the first weekend of October. Which I then listed on my schedule here on the blog as October 2 and 3. Because the first weekend of Nov is the 2nd and 3rd, and apparently I am unfamiliar with the whole "Thirty days hath September...." thing and how that affects the actual dates on a calendar. Strike two for Beth.

A day or two later, Linda called me back again, letting me know that while her guild usually meets the first weekend of the month, she had just discovered they couldn't have their workshop place for the first Saturday, so could I do the weekend of October 19/20 instead? Of course! Anything for you, Linda! Strike one for Linda (even if it wasn't entirely her fault)

Which I then wrote on my real paper calendar that sits above my head here at EPQD headquarters as October 19/20, and proceeded to turn the page back to July.

A few days later I finally got around to getting a contract emailed to her, and all I remembered was first weekend of October, because it was summer and my brain had melted away our conversation of three days prior. I googled a calendar for October 2013, (Because I was too lazy to flip pages on the one 8" from my head? Because the children had stolen the calendar? I honestly don't know.) and filled in the dates as October 5 and 6. Strike three for Beth

Those who are still with us will note that at this point I had the dates for this event written down as three different weekends (two real, one imaginary) in three different locations. Nice.

Linda signed the contract and sent it back. Strike two for Linda. Contract was filed away properly. Grand slam for Beth

Second Disclaimer: In an effort to assure you that according to many I really am worth the trouble of attempting to schedule a program for your guild, I promise this is the first time in eight years that things have ever gotten this far out of hand and have involved more than one person apparently working on limited caffeine and a prayer, and that is why I am sharing it because I find the whole thing amusing.

Flash forward again to yesterday, when I sent out the invoice prior to our supposed scheduled workshop and lecture this weekend. And then to the panicked phone call wherein Linda and I both about died to realize we had both been doing all we could to sabotage my booking, and finally set the whole thing straight. I love Linda because she totally got me and is happy to share in the blame. Beth and Linda eek out the win.

Now my biggest concern is what to do about the Octoberfest beer and wine tasting at our town library the evening of the 19th. Hands Across the Valley is about 80 miles from home, and I was planning to stay over on Saturday night, but it isn't so far that I COULDN'T come back, and with the lecture not until 2 on Sunday I could even have a good time. So in relaying all of this drama to Mr. QH last night and assuring him that our date should really not have to be affected, imagine my shock when his response was a quick "Oh, don't come back on my account - I'm perfectly okay going without you." What the heck? Straight to Strike three for Mr. QH.

So what do we think? Do I need to hire a secretary? Should I return to have a fun adult night out with my husband, or leave him to go it alone? Does he have a date waiting in the book stacks that I don't know about? How stupid would he have to be to try that, since most of the people there will know us at least well enough to know if he is with his wife or not?

Chelmsford Quilt Guild - Quilting Guilt free since 10/25/10

As you may have heard, I love to talk. Unfortunately my daughters have inherited this skill from me, and sometimes I have to escape from them so I can stop the ringing in my ears for a moment. At those times I love to be able to head to a guild meeting for one of the thousands upon thousands of guilds in America and listen to myself talk for an hour or so. Most of the time I wait until I am invited to do so, but give me time and I might start just showing up.

Last week I was the guest lecturer at Chelmsford Quilt Guild in nearby Chelmsford MA. I must be honest in saying I was a little stressed out about this booking, so much so that I almost showed up 3 days late! I can admit that now, but wooo! That would have sucked. Let this be a lesson to all guild program bookers - always follow up with your lecturers, because they sometimes put things in the calendar incorrectly. Rarely, but it happens. But why was I stressed out, you ask? Anyone ever heard the saying "You are never appreciated in your own backyard"? Or did I make that up? In any case, this particular guild has a lot of overlap between its members and those of my own guild, Squanicook Colonial Quilt Guild (aka The Squanicookies), and I just wasn't sure how many of them would truly be interested in my lecture. Don't get me wrong, it isn't that they don't support me and enjoy my stuff, but I guess I was worried they didn't need THAT much of me. Half the time I don't need that much of me either. Plus being a local guild, lots of them had seen my song and dance already at other bookings. But thankfully, I was very wrong about the enthusiasm. Together we all rocked the house. Or the casbah. Whichever you prefer.

Jeff Lomicka was seated in the front row and snapped a few photos for me. Mr. Shutterfly would have liked to share with the group some of my more horrific first quilts, but I managed to have him hold his fire until some of the more attractive ones came out. In all he managed to capture the essence of the trunk show and I thank him. Unfortunately they will be discussed in a very bizarre order (to me, at least - most of you probably don't care what order you see them in!) because blogger strikes again with some odd formatting.

This little quilt is always quite popular, and was actually the inspiration for my latest pattern (see "Please think 50's music" post). I call it "Ode to Imelda" and in its 1 year existence I have only once been asked to explain that name, so don't make me do it again. Allow me instead to believe that I have hit the motherload of quilt naming skill, because I do love this name. The quilt is from my book and is an example of using just one size and one applique block in various ways, with the applique bias strip border option. I just adore it. Another noteworthy thing about this photo is that "Ode to Imelda" is being held by Jenny Day, a fabulous woman who really does have a head, and is a Quilting Hottie extraordinaire who has seen Perfection is Overrated at least 4 times and always brings a friend. It is awesome to have a groupie.



Now before we go any further, we have to address the elephant in the room. Just how fabulous is that hunk o' rock around my neck in the next photo? Pretty darn fabulous, I know. I'll have you know it weighs about 5 pounds and I think my neck muscles are going to look like a linebacker's if I wear it very often, but I love it. I also love and adore this quilt, Syncopated Ribbons. I do believe it is my favorite design of all time and this particular version my very favorite version of all time. The quilt is made with strips and squares of all sizes and is put together in a very freeing and funky manner, making it ideal for free-quilting spirits like me, and, let's face it, a bitch for the Quilt Police to wrap their heads around. If you want/need/obsess about every seam being exactly 1/4", every point matching, every strip the same, etc, do us both a favor and do not make this quilt. You will hate me by the end of the first page of the instructions, and I want to be liked. But if you are ready to have some pure unadulterated fun and work down some serious scrappage, run to your favorite quilt shop and ask for this pattern. The necklace came from Nordstroms if you need that too.



Here we have two tall members of CQG holding up my star version of Feelin' Hot Hot Pink, which proves you don't have to have hot pink in the quilt just because the title says so, nor do you have to bind a quilt to show it in a trunk show. Perfection is Overrated, peeps. I love that the Quilting Hottie on the left appears to be saluting me (my fabulous necklace and I are off camera to the right). Right back at you, sister!

I didn't used to show this quilt in trunk shows because the quilting on it is, in a word, atrocious. But then I realized the whole point of my trunk show is to show that your quilts are gorgeous even with their little problems, and I got over myself. The colors are so pretty they make up for the big quilting issues. And it's still not hot pink!

Ah, the piece-de-resistance. The quilt I thought might kill me. I call it Scrapapalooza 2003-2005, and at risk of ruining the entire trunk show for you should you ever see me live, I will share here that when I first saw the pattern in a Quilters Newsletter magazine in Feb 2003 (Starry Nine Patch) I swear on the Bible and my mother's memory that I said to myself "What a fantastic weekend project that will be!" I know, stop the laughing. I was young, naive, and way sleep deprived from having birthed twins 5 weeks prior. But the point is I eventually, 176 weekends later, finished it. And it is gorgeous, if I do say so. I will also point out that there are no more than 14 or 15 actual star points on this quilt - the rest have been lost to eternity through what one might call careless piecing. But do you care? No. Well, maybe you do. The better question is, do I care? And here the answer is a resounding no. I love this quilt, I think it is gorgeous, and from the reaction it gets when it is unfurled at every trunk show I give, I think I'm not alone in my love for it.

As far as what number exactly I am singing for the audience in this photo, that I have no idea. And I'm covering up the fabulous hunk of rock. What is that about?

Thank you to CQG for having me! It was a fantastic group and I had nothing to fear but showing up the wrong day.